Hiya,
I don't know what to say to this, because really you didn't do anything wrong towards me. True you were quiet, and I realized that was your shell when you meet people. My shell is a bit different, it's my energy, as people get to know me they see I calm down. No one in the last few years has even seen the old energy I use to give off before I was hurt. If anyone knows that energy best, it's Donatello (aka HT). Poor Donny would be picked up and thrown around when we'd meet up.
There was a few things that was done, that didn't feel nessary... like the feeling of being rushed a lot. I'm going to be honest here for you, and any who read this. When I was walking in NYC, even at the bus station I was ahead of everyone because I was talking with Arista about a few things and it was our only chance to really talk through the weekend. If you noticed durning the weekend, I like to talk to people one on one a bit to get to know each of my friends. I would make sure everyone was in sight, and than would keep walking without worry about loosing them. I knew all the faces in our group, and I know they knew me... if anyone had a problem with us going faster they could of asked me to slow down. Though I know you were feeling rushed and warning people they were going to get lost. You stressed out a little there, I can understand it could be just how busy the city seems, since NYC is very busy compared to any where else I've ever been. Though if anything I'd sudjest, give people a little space and ask them if they're worried about it or even talk to the person who's leading everyone through, to see if they realize how far ahead they are. Just to make sure everything is on a calmer level than what you may have been feeling.
Truthfully it was things like that, which I would notice. You do worry and stress out a lot. What I would recommend is calming down a little and look around to see if others are feeling the same stress, breath just a little bit. These meet ups are for fun and getting to know each other, though when there's stress in the group it's harder to relax as much as one would like. I know I was stressing out more than enough for all of us esp on Friday night when I found out my credit card wouldn't pay for the $900 car repair. So I won't say I didn't add stress to the group too. We all did in our own ways. Though I tried not to let the stress control me, as soon as I was able to dry up the tears from the phone calls we grabbed up the fruit snacks and went down to tell everyone that we could in the convention about the TMNT party. Which was a lot of fun, it was great just going around giving out candy to total strangers and getting to talk TMNT with everyone.
It was little things like that I would notice here and there, but it was nothing that made me not like you, for any reason. Heh I know I would joke with you about cleaning the room even durning the party (and I'm serious ya wouldn't like my room it's always a mess just about
) I've kept an eye out for you on AIM recently and haven't been seeing you as much as I use to, we haven't got to talk since I got home.
I know you're shy, I could see that as well. I was very happy and surprised that you were able to get up there and talk to Mike S. as well as you did. That was great and I hope it's a good memory for years to come for you. All of us are shy to different points and different areas, and all of us have our sheilds when we meet people. Mine being hyper energys and mainly talking Ninja Turtles, another one of my friend is pure energy bouncing around a LOT she was shocked when I called it on her, another one of my friends is shy and sitting in the background drawing a lot, and I know people who just have a bit of a temper to break through before you know them. Everyone is different, and usually it's not the sheild that people pick up on, like we'd think.
I enjoyed getting the chance to meet you and spend the weekend with you. I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it, for when you would stress the way you did, I was worried that you were upset. It wasn't the shyness that had me worried, but when you'd show that you were stressed or restless. I felt like we weren't doing things that you'd like to do, like when Mike missed his panels and autograph sessions on Saturday, you seemed more upset than shy. I felt bad, I wished there was away that we could of took back that and get him to show up for the things he was marked down for that day, though I knew there was nothing I could do about it. And it worried me, that it was giving you a bad weekend and I wanted all of my friends to have good memories of this event.
I do not think you're a horrible person, and I'm sorry you came out feeling this way with the event. Everyone had their issues over the weekend, their stresses... and we know that no one is perfect going into these events. My flaws were all out in the open, I'm a over emotional person, and a worry wart at times... like about my car... so I wasn't showing my best time the full weekend either. No one was, heh remember one of the funniest moments of the weekend was Onna showing her pizza'ed off side at the guy in line, true that's not one of her best sides but the timing and what was said was so funny that it fit perfect. Though she didn't except that to come out, and she was a bit worried about what the annoying guy would do after she yelled at him.
I hope you're ok, once again I'm sorry that you feel that you have to apologize... esp publicly... the stress and stuff is something I wouldn't normally talk about in public, though I think I would feel really bad if this topic wasn't replied to here... people could get the idea that those of us who went don't care enough to reply. Though I still see you as a friend, and I want you and everyone else to know that. I also wanted to be able to express the few things I saw, so that you have an idea of a different view of what was going on over the weekend.
*Hugs* Take care and chin up.
