I
HATE my family. Hate is a strong word, but I do. I seriously do. I am so sick to death living with such people for the 23 years of my life.
My mother is a controlling female dog, and seriously isn't happy unless she's making me or my brother miserable, and raising hell in the process. There's drama in this house nearly 24/7. She dictates us how to spend our money, what to do, etc. It's like we have to have her permission first before we can do anything! We're 23 and 20 respectively! We're adults, we can judge for ourselves now. It's time to learn lessons of life on our own. We have jobs, and I at least pay for any special food I want, clothes, necessities, car and car insurance, health insurance through my work; deducted from my pay check, a little rent, and internet. Plus, anything extra I should want that I can afford. So it's not like I'm living like a bum with no responsibilities.
My father is no help whatsoever, and just adds fuel to the fire by agreeing to everything she says/does, no matter how off the wall or clearly unfair it is. He never sticks up for his children. My mother just cancelled Christmas (not the first time she's done it), barring everything but a tree because we all agreed to pitch in to buy a live one instead of the white toilet brush she's used for two Christmases, and he goes right along with it. And it's the only reason why we've even bothered to get a tree at all.
I hardly associate with these people anymore because I don't like being with them. It's why I spend most of my time in my room when I'm not at work. I only come out to eat, get a drink, and/or use the bathroom. That's it. I've made my room a virtual prison, and I hate it. It never gets better around here, only worse as they continue to treat us, but especially me, as if we don't have a lick of sense, and like little kids.
She won't listen to us because she thinks she's right no matter what. She doesn't try to understand us as she never sees it from our view, and she never agrees to disagree (Sounds exactly like a certain someone I used to be friends with).
I want to find my own place to live, and get the hell out. Problem is, I don't make that much money for a really nice apartment, but I don't want to get a cheap, run-down of a place in a bad neighborhood either, and I have no one I know that can be my roommate. I don't trust just anyone. I also want the financial flexiblity to still be able to go on once in a while trips like to AnimeNext and such.
I realize I'd have to sacrifice something if I really wanted to to make this work, but I still wish I could be able to have it all. I just don't know what to do.
I'm so mentally exhausted dealing with these people whom call themselves parents.
However, I may have found a way out of this house should the opportunity arise, and I think it's too good to pass up. I have a friend from work whose baby I have been babysitting for a few nights, and she needs a new roommate. There's a long, involved story ending up with her situation and why her husband isn't there (off in the military), but the thing is she's soon going to be by herself with the baby once a friend of hers living with her currently gets off his shell and gets a job to move out. He's been loafing around mostly, but does take care of the baby during most of the day, and keeps the apartment up. She's ready to kick him out because he's getting to the point where she can't stand him.
Anyway, I'm hoping if he moves out, I can move in with her, but it won't be until the beginning of the year. Got some stuff to get in order first. We've discussed it, and she loves the idea.
So I bring up the subject to my mom, which I am prepared to have a full-out war with her because she
never talks about things with me like a mom and daughter should. She's known to go freaking psycho on me. Like I predicted, she proceeded to shoot it down because
she doesn't think it's a good idea. She doesn't have faith in me that I can do it all if I tried.
It doesn't matter what I think; it doesn't matter I'm 23 freakin' years old, she still talks down to me and treats me like a child because she says I act like a child. She never listens to me! She never takes my opinion into consideration because she thinks she knows everything in the whole world, and I don't have common sense or
any clue as to how it works. Damn woman! I'm smarter than she thinks.
She was going on how "where are you going to get the money?" "You need to get your facts straight" when I have most of my facts I need. I have an idea how it'll work, but she doesn't think I can do it. I kept telling her to say I couldn't do it because I knew she wanted to, but she kept insisting that wasn't it. And going on how she'll take away my car and sell it if I couldn't keep up the payments, etc. ... It's the same freakin' thing! Why not just outright say it, and be done with it?!
What got her all like this too was because I still want to make the trip to NJ for that convention again in July. "Where's the money going to come from? You ain't going to have anything left" is her response. My answer is "It'll come from somewhere, don't worry." She's all shaking her head, and continues to go on and on. Damn, I just want to slap her in the face and tell her to shut up. I try to defend myself, and tell her to stop talking down to me like a child, because she'll insult me right to my face, and she replies "Don't argue with me. You're still my child."
She's constantly contradicting herself! Say one thing, and then turn around and say something else. It would be terribly funny if it wasn't so maddening.
This is the reason my wings are kept constantly clipped, and I can't fly off anywhere. I'm tired of this *insert swear here*. I don't have to do what
she wants anymore. I don't have to answer to her. It's my life, and I can do how I see fit with it. If I want to move in with my friend, then by God I will!
