Losing to pain

[Michaelangelo]

Pain.. something everyone feels at some point in their life... be it long or short, it's there.  Everyone knows it, everyone has it... and everyone can understand that it's not fun.

Though when you live with pain and get told you'll have it the rest of your life... how does this affect you? Of course you're going to be more careful with what hurts, you may even loose things that you use to do and loved to do.  You may even loose a job over it.  Though could you loose a friendship because your in pain?

This is something I never thought could happen, at least not till a few months after I got injured at work.  When the line that my best friend said to me was "I don't want to see you, because it hurts to see you in pain."   But... what if that pain is the rest of my life does that mean my friends won't ever want to be around me again unless I'm on strong pain killers???

So after that, I tried very hard to hide my pain around my friends.  Be it friends locally or friends from out of town.  I do try, though it does come through no matter how much I want it to disappear.  And again this last November I heard from another friend that they don't like seeing me in pain, and that's why they're avoiding me.

Why am I being punished????   I know what they're talking about, the over draining feeling when someone is hurting near you.  And the feeling of useless cause you want to help when you can't.   I had a friend, go through a very rough time in her life... to where we moved her into our house and helped pull her back to her feet and now she has her own home and is doing well.  Even holding a job.   Though when she was like that, and I felt the draining pain that came from her I didn't turn my back on her, I knew at that moment in time she needed more than ever before.   So I know I won't turn my back on someone because they're hurting.   Though, I guess those that I was there for don't feel the same way about me.

The two friends which brought it up in the past are the same ones that did this to me once again today.  Bringing up that they can't stand seeing me in pain and that I don't understand and that I drain them and that they don't have anything left to give me...   though both of which I've helped a number of times, and they haven't even seen me in about two weeks.

We had a fight which was brought up by something totally different... than the pain and that got pulled into it.   I don't want to go into the full personal reasons behind the fight.   It is a lot of crap... but using that in there... it kills me anytime that is brought up because there is NOTHING I can do about it more than I already have.  

I guess my rant is....  What can one do when they're hurting... and doctors don't know how to cure it... and friends are leaving because they don't want to see the people in pain.......   ?

[WolfofMibu]

I can't honestly say I know what is going through your friends minds. It disapoints me that they would say this to you. Frankly it to me seems selfish.

I have been with you Ivey when you have been struck with your pain, the Saturday night in NYC durning the Comic Con comes to mind when the cold wind was bothering you so much. It never would have crossed my mind to not want to be around you because you are in pain. Or that I couldn't handle the fact that you are. It always makes me want to help you, or cheer you up, or try anything to lessen your stress and your hurt.

I am not really certain what advice to give, because I don't think your friends should be saying this to you.

You have enough to worry about, your friends should be focusing on the positive. On making you happy, not pulling you down and giving you more problems.

Maybe I am out of place to say all of this. I just hate to see you torn apart over something that I feel shouldn't be made an issue for you.

[Aignatius]

Hey M, are there any chronic pain support groups near you? There's some online. You ever thought of joining those? It can help to meet other people who are going through something similar.
FWIW, I don't believe either that when bad things happen it's a punishment. Otherwise why do infants and animals suffer? It's just the way life is, and at times it's more complicated than anyone can possibly figure out.

 

[Mindy]

*thumbs up to Mibu and Aig for their advices*

I also think your friends are being very selfish, and I'm the kind of person who likes to look at both sides of the coin. We all know that true-blue friends are there for you through thick and thin. I know you feel cheated, and I've been in that boat, too. *hug* Have you told them what you've told us? I hate that you're having to feel 'punished' for your pain.

[Brinatello]

I used the same word, Mindychan.  Selfish, that's what they're being at this time, and I was none the least bit happy about it.  Usually when someone gets hurt, it brings friends closer together, they'll want to do what they can to help out no matter the circumstances.  Like I said on the phone, Ivey, the ball is in their court now, and whatever they decide to do will determine if they are true friends or not.

[moronqueen]

Hey M, are there any chronic pain support groups near you? There's some online. You ever thought of joining those? It can help to meet other people who are going through something similar.
FWIW, I don't believe either that when bad things happen it's a punishment. Otherwise why do infants and animals suffer? It's just the way life is, and at times it's more complicated than anyone can possibly figure out.

 

I agree with Aig on both points...bad things are lessons to me, and remembering that usually makes them a lot easier to handle for me, especially over the past several years.

Also, the chronic pain support groups would help a lot...my dad has similar problems, but with his back, and resulting from old war injuries, but finding people with similar problems, and persuing alternate therapies and learning how to direct his thoughts differently has really helped him out...to the point of lessening his meds!

[Leonardo_Mystic]

*hugs Ivey* I never like to see anyone in pain, but I'll do my damnest to help them where I can, especially friends. I never abandon them when they need me most.

Yeah, sometimes, I'll feel helpless when there's nothing I can do, but I never run. I always stick by them.

You don't need friends like that. They're being selfish when you're the one that needs their support. Perhaps they'll soon see the light, and realize this, but I wouldn't exactly be holding hopes. I've learned such a lesson the hard way.