|
Michaelangelo
|
 |
« on: July 10, 2007, 11:45:37 AM » |
|
Ok, so we all have our life problems. Things that upset us, things we're disappointed in about ourselves, things that make us feel sick to even think about. And things we'll love to over come. This topic is for us to rant about our lives. Things that we don't like, and would just love to vent about cause it gets too over bearing at times.
I'll break the ice...
I hear all the time how people either like or hate me, judging me before getting to know me. I see it often where people think they know me because of newspaper stories and TV shows, and rumors. And some of the things that get thrown in my face that people seem to think about me is, 1. I have to have everything, 2. I'm selfish. 3. I'm bragging. 4. I don't have issues in my life. And 5. I live at home with my folks.
And hearing this stuff is a bit troublesome to me, it's not because I feel like they're true cause I don't. I don't really have to have everything. I am obsessed, and collect a lot of stuff. Though as much as I have, there's is thousands of TMNT items I don't have. People just see my collection and assume I have everything. And even if I did have everything TMNT, it would be my choice and nothing that I should be made to feel ashamed of! I'm so tired of people thinking they have the right to shove it in your face when you're doing something that you're happy with, that you should be ashamed cause others can't do the same. I'm sorry if people can't do the same as me, but there's things those people can do that I can't do. Such is the away of life, stop trying to make people feel guilty just because they're living theirs!
You know along that guilt subject, it's gotten to the point that I don't feel like I can give true reviews of how things go at the conventions, I don't feel like I can talk about the things that I buy or get, because people will get after me. I watch others post their collections and they're not slammed for it, but when I post mine or talk about mine I get told I'm bragging! All I want to be able to do is share with everyone, though I feel as if I can't and that HURTS. It hurts to know people that I see as friends, get pizza'ed at me just because I pick up something new. And I know other fans who feel this way about their collections so they keep what they got hidden. IT STINKS that people have to hide the things they're happy about in their lives, we should be able to hold onto those few things that make us happy.
I'm told I'm selfish because I collect, and that is also very annoying. Cause I find myself as someone who normally gives till I drop. If I got money, the people around me see it. I take those around me to eat, I thank those who help me and make sure they're happy. Even if the money I have is tight, I will do things just to help others out. I help people meet those actors they want to meet, I help people get items they're looking for, I help people get out and about, and I am a ear for many people who just needs someone to vent too knowing that I won't go spread rumors about them. I work hard at being there for people, and the only thing I got for myself is my collection. Yes it's big, but it's not like I went out and bought it all in a year, I've been collecting since 1989 and haven't thrown anything TMNT away or sold any of it. Something being collecting that long is bound to grow! And calling people selfish just because do this stuff, is being petty and jealous. Though I'm the one being made to look bad, and others judge me by it. I just want to live a happy life, that's all I ask.
About me bragging, ok I do a LOT of stuff in my life. And I love to think back to the memories and when I meet people I like to share. I don't go "I did this and you didn't" It's more hey do you want to know about this and how to be able to do it too. This is where I've been, and this is how I got there. I want to share these stories, cause I think some of which are worth sharing and maybe people can learn to do something they've always wanted to do by doing so. I always have loved to read people's interviews, reviews, and see what they got on TV about fans. Not just the actors. Yes I'm not the only fan in history to be like this, I grew up reading their stories so felt if I enjoyed it growing up I'm sure there's others out there who like to hear people's stories as well. Bragging is being rude about what you done, like you're better than the other person. I don't do that, all fans are equal and I just want to be able to help others do this stuff. If you don't like what I do, don't read my reviews. I've had someone say I was bragging than throw up that I went to the Hollywood premiere and they heard how GREAT of a time I had. That's funny, bragging is talking about it more than once right... well I only wrote ONE review on that event and it's hear on TMNT-L. So people, if you don't like my stories you don't have to read them, though ya don't need to go around saying that I brag either. Cause that's just being rude.
Man I got issues, I try not to bring them online all the time though TMNT-L hears them the most. Like right now I just need to vent and this is where I come. Why? Because I feel most comfortable with the fans on this board, everyone has been great and very respectful. We talk and work things out if theres a problem and I have a lot of close friends here, and a lot of new faces that have become very good friends as well. TMNT-L is my online home and I couldn't be happier here. Thank you all for being such great friends.
A recent thing that keeps getting to me is about my arm, I know I complain about it a lot. People will find topics about pain, about updates on it, about loosing people because of it. This arm has caused me so much grief in my life. Even when things should be going great, I got problems. Like at Anime Next 2007, a friend just was trying to say good bye and forgot and I couldn't stand up for an hour. I was ashamed, and hurt to have so many people look at me wanting to help, when I knew there wasn't anything they could do for me. The pain two too days to go back down to my normal pain level, and this is stuff I regret everyday. I was talking to Fae on the phone last night and said that if I could have one wish granted it would be to have my body back to the way I was when I was 21. No dud arm. Just being able get back into Karate and wear costumes again. A dream that I fear will never come true. And how often I cry when I'm alone because of it, but in front of people I try my hardest to hide the pain. I wear a smile over it, hoping people don't see it. I do not want people worried about me all the time. No use crying over something that can't be fixed right?
My life just isn't all peachy like people think it is. I've lost all of my dreams that I had growing up, every job I trained for and got myself ready for is so far out of my reach that there's been more often than not I feel useless. I loved to work, to where I'd get up to 3 jobs at a time, and when I had only one job I'd jump at any over time. I had plans for my future. Working on a savings, and getting all of my bills paid in advance to be able to move out on my own. No I don't want to go get a place with a room mate, and no I don't know one job out there that I've ever held where you could afford to get your own house and live without worrying about being buried alive in bills. I'm picked on because I still live at home with my folks. Man is that one of the big things thrown at me, even recently I just read something from someone who I know up till this last year was living with her own folks where she took a stab at me for it. Kind of bites since I thought people who were going through what I am would understand.
See growing up I saw every job in my area that was opened up was jobs like working at Meijers (a store like Walmart), a gas station, a hotel housekeeper, stores in malls, and stuff like that. Where you're bringing in less than $200 a week, when getting a place cost over $1,000 a month with paying for the place, paying for the bills, and trying to live. I do pay rent to my folks and have what is like my own apartment. And I figured I could save up and get out on my own, moving out of state to get a dream job. Though when I finally got the job that was allowing me to start living to go in the directions I wanted, which was a factory job where I worked 68 hours a week, my life came to a sudden stop because of it. Though I worked there a year and a half, all of my bills... were paid 2 to 3 months in advance, I was also able to get my dream car. I got myself into more dept while there, cause I knew my pay checks could handle it. Using loans to help me get some of the stuff I wanted (no not just Turtle heads like the media talks about) those loans also paid for a new bed for my room, a new computer, a roof rack for my car and so much more. Though I was doing ok.
Now picture if I moved out during this time, to live that check to check life while thinking I'll be keeping this job forever without trying to set up a savings for where I'm going. The day I got hurt at work, workers comp picked up... though a month later they dropped me. I went 9 MONTHS with no income what so ever. All the bills on me, Car insurance, car payments, cell phone bill, loan bills, credit card bills (only two one of which was Dental only and the other is car repair only), ect... and I didn't have any way to pay those. Now if I was living out in a house, on my own (really don't want to do an apartment (anyone who picks on me for living at home that is living in an apartment should really think about what they're doing cause really you have less freedoms in an apartment than I do at my folks house)) I would of lost my home, I would of been in a lot worse dept and homeless. Did Worker Comp care that they were destroying my house, no not at all they felt that if they pushed hard enough they could get me to break down and go back to work... basically giving up on my health. Which there is NO way that I could do that.
My family saved me during that time, they took on my bills paying them for me. And once I won my Worker Comp case I got back to paying rent and even taking some of their bills onto myself to help out since they helped me so much. People can say what they want, but if you're not living in some elses shoes than you got no where to speak about the life they choose for themselves and I didn't even really choose this life it's something forced onto me that hurts me enough every single day. And you know, I'm not hurt that I'm staying with my folks. My mom is like a best friend to me, I love her very much, and she too is a TMNT fan. I got no reason to be ashamed of being around them, because I know many others who live on their own that are not happy about the places they live. I on the other hand am happy with my upstairs apartment. I still some day hope to get out on my own and am now just starting this year to be able get a savings going again. And am working on new career choices since I lost my old ones.
Life is a huge pain for everyone I know, we have our ups and downs. Though people going around and judging others when they only know one side of the story is a huge pet peeve of mine. Just try to understand me through rumors. Don't think I'm going around saying I'm the face of TMNT fans because I know I'm NOT, I am just myself and I am a TMNT fan though I know every fan is different from the others and I'm not trying to be some kind of mascot of any kind. I just don't feel I should have to hide my stories, if people want to share them I won't say no. And every show has tried to get me to say that I am the Worlds largest or number 1 fan and I have turned them down flat, I won't say it. I'll say I'm one of the biggest fans, for them but I won't say I am the fan, that is not how I feel at all.
I just really had to vent, this past week I've really been going over on how bad it feels to have so much wrong going on in my life, and not being even allowed to talk about the good cause of fearing how people are going to react online or the new rumors that will come up. Oh and I KNOW some type of rumor will even pop up from this post.
I ask this of those who don't like me. Do on to others as you wish them to do on to you. When I complain about people, I am respectful enough to never attach a name to my complaints. If I have a story to tell, it's the mystery person that I am talking about and I tell it as a lesson of how I learned things, not to bash anyone. So if you don't like me, please leave my name out of your comments and posts, let others judge me on their own. And just leave me alone, if there's a topic on me or something just ignore it. If you don't like me, pretend I don't exist and go on with your life. I know you got one, and I'm sure you too have your ups and downs. Rumors are nothing but a double edge swords, they will come back at ya someday, and I don't want you hurt even if you want me hurt.
Ok, I'm done ranting. Once again sorry for venting so much. Just really been needing to get some of those feelings out somewhere. And TMNT-L is the only place I feel comfortable enough to do so.
|
