Scared and stressed!

[Michaelangelo]

Hey everyone,

I know I've been falling behind first it was because I was sick... keeping up with stuff like the "TMNT-L episode of the weeks" type stuff was not something I could do.  I struggle to do the TMNT-L Trivia each week... and barely even read all the posts on the board since I've been sick though I still do come around.  Just having a rough time and things have NOT gotten easier.  There's been so many stresses that I have not dared to touch on here, but before I have a total break down I'm going to touch them here now.

On January 2nd, my mom had a heart attack.  She did it while sitting down and laughing, we didn't know it was a heart attack... but the pain went up into her jaw and down her left arm.  She told my dad when he got home from work, but also mentioned she's going to the doctors the next day... so she waited.  The doctor said it could be a part of her MS, though had her go to her normal doctors who put her through tests... both of which she failed.   The worse one being the "Stress Test" the results came in just last week:  Bottom part of her heart was not working due to lack of oxygen.   So Monday we spent all day in the Hospital dealing with my mother going through a test to find out if her heart is ok.  Jumping at every little thing... the good news finally came that day that her heart is GREAT.  Though she's still got chest pains and pains her arm so the next thing they're going to test is her lounges, but first she's gotta heal up from the test they just put her through which was BAD!

Meanwhile I can't and won't bring up the cause or what is going on here... though I'm going to say that there's been a lot of high stress drama going around.  Some of which made it so both my sister and I couldn't even sleep the day before my mom was in the Hospital... it's been a lot of yelling and a lack of communication.  This is weighing heavy on my head, though it's not something for anyone here on the boards to worry about.  The stress is from local friends and things that will be worked out.  Hopefully soon.

Though this isn't the end of the tails of things that have been going on here that is big news, it's only the tip of the issues... along with money problems, fear of loosing things like houses or cars going through the family.  The stress just keeps getting higher and higher.  And of course this tops with everyone in the house being handy cap in our own ways.   My mom with MS, my dad a really bad heart and more, my sister with asthma and me with RSD.  So we're always bumping into something that causes more stress... even if it's not suppose too.

Anyone who's been keeping up with me and my RSD knows that I go in for nerve block shots every 1 to 2 months that'll help my arm.  This last time I went in they started to talk about the implants they want to give me.  Now the implant is a great thing, it'll block the pain from getting to my brain so instead I'll feel tingling or warm feelings from my arm.  Though the idea of having surgery really is a fear of mine... it's one I decided I'll face to help get over the pain, but I guess I never knew how much it scared me.  The talk at the time was just that, so it didn't hit me at reality, instead I went on with getting my shot for the day which didn't go over nearly as good as it should of (this was last Thursday).   Well today I got a phone call, I missed it so it hit the machine and it told me that the surgery is approved and I'll be having it March 4th at 7:45am.  A part of me is screaming YAY relief in the future, but a bigger part of me is screaming how scared I am.   I broke down crying at the news, and can't help but fear this since it's really a big deal.  They'll be cutting into my back to implant this on two parts of my spine and I'll have to be awake for it.  So I'm really really really scared.  I know things will be better when it's over, but as of now... I'm just scared...

So to those of you who have been trying to contact me and get me to think of serious stuff or issues with the board or asking why reviews topics are not up lately or any of that stuff... I am really truely sorry.  Though my real life is stressing me too much for right now.  I'm leaving on a trip for the weekend tomorrow and when I get back I will try to reply to those of you that I haven't replied to yet.  But please, my chest is hurting from fear and stress right now... I need a few days to breath... it hasn't stopped hurting since Sunday night.....

I will do con reviews over the weekend and if feeling better will take care of any issues that need my attention.

[Raphael]

Yowch. Sorry you and your family are having such a rought time, Mike...hope things all work out.  It's been a rough new year for a lot of people...

As for things on the board, don't worry about it. It's just a message board and you & your family are much more important.  This is also a good time to remind people that there ARE other mods on the board that they can go to with problems.

[Phoenix]

Yeah, Mikey. You go on this trip and try to get your mind off of all the stuff. And if it doesn't, swing down here before Katsucon and I'll take ya out to Long Johns/A&W you love so much

And Raph's right, there are other mods in this board.

[Aignatius]

Sorry to hear about more stuff piled on your plate, Mikey. Been thinking of you! Hugs!

[Kismet]

I wish you well!

[Leonardo]

Ninjara and I send along our best wishes for your mom's recovery, and for your surgery!
I'll add to the votes about: Forget the boards and go take care of what you need to in your life.

[Michaelangelo]

Thanks all, I'm still really scared of this can't get it off my mind as of yet.  Though am trying to do some fun things to release some of this stress.

[Shredder]

I'd feel the same way.... ANY Type of surgery scares me, but so far I've been lucky that I have not had the need for anything at all.  I really hope it goes well for you, though.  It'd be great to see you at the next con and not have to see you in any pain.  Although I would personally take it easy for the next month or two afterwords... AND NO MORE DANGEROUS JOBS after that like another factory position.  Take up something cozy ..

I know what familly issues are like.  I started stressing myself out when my parents just started arguing over what I take to be little things.  I woke up one or two nights from loud yelling....which is why I never go to sleep before anyone else does as it usually stays quiet.  Now I'm so spiked up I'm almost stressed out in anticipating what's going to set off the next fireball and what may become of it..
Add to that, I'm 30, I'm living with my parents, pretty much a loser in todays society.  The only thing I haven't done yet is become jobless or started working at MCDonalds to complete that image .

But after reading this post, I am thankful that I have my health, that's for sure... I guess if they pump you full of the surgery equivalent of Nova cane, it won't be so bad, perhaps?

And even though it might be a last resort, have you thought of selling some of the more expensive turtle gear to make up some extra cash?  I recently took into my life stock and stopped buying any collectible, and even started selling some stuff like books.  I hardly ever look at the stuff, so why keep it around?

Hope I see you in happier spirits in April

[Michaelangelo]

I'll still be going to NYC Comic Con in April, though I will take it easy after the surgery up till NYC Comic Con.

About selling my collection, it will never happen.  Money might be tight, though any one who knows me, knows how much my collection means to me.  It's one of the things that makes me smile during this rough time.  

I will survive through all this, it's just stress right now... and as the Avenue Q people sing... "it's only for now"

[CriticalCrittles]

Yes yes, Avenue Q! Ooooor as I often sung to myself during holiday tiiiiiimes (cuz you know they can suck when you work in retail lol) ....

"But then I close my eyes and try to smile, I know things are bad and getting worse, but after all this I can rest awhile, and then we'll party party!"  Party party join us join us! I love Shin Chan, especially the closing theme And it's true dear, cuz after all this we're gonna party at NY Comic Con, woot!  

Looove ya

[Kazari]

I'm sorry to hear about that, Ivey I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. You have been going through a lot. But I noticed with you, no matter what strife you have, you're still always smiling and having fun everytime I see you. That shows a lot. You're a very optimistic person.

[moronqueen]

That is scary, but good luck! In the long run, it'll be a good thing...

[BubblyShell22]

I want to wish you and your family the best of luck, Ivey. Surgery can be scary. I found that out when I had my retinal detachment in my good eye. I was really afraid that it wouldn't go well, but it did. Things will work out. Just take it easy and get better. *hugs*

[Lady R. Santi]

Priorities, definately.  Look at what is most important, you and your mother first...your "friends"...ignore the online drama, not worth it AT ALL!  Rest up.  Breathe... one thing at a time.

I was so glad to have met you and your sister.  Do not go killing yourself over the stress or I won't be able to see you again.  

[Shredder]

Oh, and another reply..ignore online drama is good advice.  Someone on another site let one little blow up get to him, and even though he is a site creator, he resigned for two months.  Cooler heads prevailed, and he's back.....So don't let anything that happens online get to you.

As a matter of fact, after the big day, I suggest taking at least a good week away from anything internet related...and just spend the time watching TV.