I hate being Invisible

[cynlee]

I truly do.  I hate being ignored sometimes.  I don't expect a lot of notice, but there ARE times when I truly think that I've said/done/etc something that any normal person would naturally EXPECT some sort of response, only to be ignored as if I've said/written/etc nothing at all.

In fact, I very nearly posted a biographical timeline of all the memorable instances in my life when I've been ignored, or treated as invisible-- to this day I am convinced that "Invisible Boy" from the movie "Mystery Men" was based on my life, except I am not a young black male-- but then I thought it would be simply overkill.

So I shall restate the title-- I hate being invisible.

[Michaelangelo]

  I'm really sorry you feel this way Cynlee... I really like you and I don't try to ignore you at all.  I always enjoy chatting with you, and if I've done anything for you to feel that way I am really sorry.

[moronqueen]

Yeah...know the feeling. When you nearly get sat on while riding the bus no less than three times in one ride...

Seriously, though sometimes people just don't know how to respond, or they just don't have the chance. Or the brain farts are too explosive for them to catch the post or...well, a whole number of things, I guess. As frustrating as it is, it really is something that happens to everyone at one time or another, and usually isn't intentional at all..

[Shredder]

I truly do.  I hate being ignored sometimes.  I don't expect a lot of notice, but there ARE times when I truly think that I've said/done/etc something that any normal person would naturally EXPECT some sort of response, only to be ignored as if I've said/written/etc nothing at all.

In fact, I very nearly posted a biographical timeline of all the memorable instances in my life when I've been ignored, or treated as invisible-- to this day I am convinced that "Invisible Boy" from the movie "Mystery Men" was based on my life, except I am not a young black male-- but then I thought it would be simply overkill.

So I shall restate the title-- I hate being invisible.

I don't feel like I get ignored, so much as avoided.   There must be something about my look, how I Act, etc that causes people too ignore/avoid me at all costs. Especially when I try too start some kind of conversation for practice.  I normally get in one sentence, and that's it.  And forget about trying too talk too women, ugh.  Last time I tried too chat up a lady at the NYCC I didn't even get a response or a look..

So, you are not the only one who tends too get ignored in public.

[cynlee]

Yeah-- I get that too.

But I think there is a fine line between being ignored and being avoided.

And I'm pretty sure that, the majority of the time, I'm being ignored.

I make the effort to NOT be offended-- Lord knows I have no right to expect everyone to hang upon my every word or every post or every anything-- but it burns when I feel that I've made a statement that is not something that could be classified as "general in passing", only to be dismissed out of hand without so much as a "yeah right moving on" comment.

Usually I say nothing-- but sometimes I feel the need to say something.


Don't know why-- in the end, it only results in a brief "Oh!  Hi, didn't see you there!" type of thing, followed by once again fading into the background of Life.

[Lady Mew2]

*hugs Cyn*

[cynlee]

MEW!!!  Where have you been?  I've not seen you at Mikey's forEVER!!!

*hugs Mew*

[Amicitia]

I feel you. My own parents misplace me all the time. When I'm standing right next to them. I know I walk quietly, but really.

[CriticalCrittles]

Honestly, I think EVERYONE feels ignored at one time or another. I mean, I know it happens to me pretty often, even by my own friends too, which is kinda sad. Though, no one here of course    The depressing feeling I often get, is that I'm annoying people, either with what my conversation topic often likes to be (Michael Sinterniklaas/Venture Bros) or when I need to ask people to help me with things or do favors for me...people tend to insist that I'm not bothering them or they don't mind, but something just makes me feel like they're just saying that to make me feel better....le sigh....suppose it's just one of those things that will always be there and I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

[cynlee]

....Though, no one here of course   ...

Of course.

[Ninjara]

"I hate being invisible."
   I can recall saying the exact same thing.  Only I said it before I hit my fifties.  I got a belly-full sometime ago in my late thirties.
   I just made up my mind that no matter how self-absorbed the people around me were, this was my time to be on stage, and to hell with anyone that had a problem with it.
   Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Cynlee my dear, because you ARE entitled to your share of the spotlight.  
   
    It's attitude.  It's demeanor.  It's how you carry yourself and how you speak.  Your voice has to be loud enough to be heard, but not necessarily strident or shrill.

    Geez.  Where the heck did I get this?  I dunno.  Martial arts?  Some of it maybe.  That walk like a warrior thing.  The rest of it just came because I realized no one was gonna give it to me.  It's something you seize in life and give yourself permission to do.

    It sounds to me like you've gotten your belly full.  Take the stage.  You deserve your moments.

[BubblyShell22]

Cyn, I know how you feel. I feel that way too at times. I felt that way last summer while taking my Statistics class and then failing it for the second time. I did everything I could do to pass it, but I felt like the professor was ignoring me. It was like she didn't think I was good enough or something. I'm supposed to get my first test back today (yes, I'm taking it for a third time.) and if I fail, I'll just feel worthless or something. I mean, I got a tutor this semester, and I've done very well with him, but if I fail this test, I'll feel that all my effort is for nothing. It's even worse because I need this class to graduate and this is my final semester. I feel your pain, Cynlee. If you need to talk to me, I'll be there for you. You can count on me. And I'll always look forward to your wonderful stories that brighten my day every time I read them. Best of luck to you!

*gives Cyn a hug and a Splinter plushie*

[Aignatius]

I hear you on the invisible-ness at times, but there are also times when I don't really mind being invisible.
Too much attention gets to be overwhelming.
As far as feeling worthless, yes, often, and for most of my life. But that has developed into a feeling of defiance, as well.
See, if people don't acknowledge my existence after some attempts, then their attention is not worth seeking further. The world's a big place, there's always going to be someone out there who will value you just as you are, it's just a matter of finding the right kind.
Enough said.  

[Mindy]

I hear you on this subject, Cynlee! Whether it's in real life or online, I constantly get ignored. Can anyone provide some scientific or psychological info on this matter? It happens to a lot of folks.

It's really disheartening when I'm ignored online. On various forums, I certainly am a 'thread killer' or none of my questions get answered or comments. A slow forum, I could understand, but a high traffic one.. hrrm.

Anyways, I guess I've learned to deal with it the best I can, which usually means not talking as much anymore. That's the kind of person I am, though.

[Lady Mew2]

MEW!!!  Where have you been?  I've not seen you at Mikey's forEVER!!!

*hugs Mew*

lol. I been busy with my board and Mikeys forum locked my account. Mew!

[Lisardo]

I hear you on this subject, Cynlee! Whether it's in real life or online, I constantly get ignored. Can anyone provide some scientific or psychological info on this matter? It happens to a lot of folks.

It's really disheartening when I'm ignored online. On various forums, I certainly am a 'thread killer' or none of my questions get answered or comments. A slow forum, I could understand, but a high traffic one.. hrrm.

Anyways, I guess I've learned to deal with it the best I can, which usually means not talking as much anymore. That's the kind of person I am, though.

I used to feel that way alot, sometimes still do.  At work esp. it's tricky. 

I honestly think it has to do with the kind of people we (here on the forum) all are.  We are very creative, introspective type of people that see the world differently than most of humanity.  And as sad as it is, most typical folk just simply don't understand us.  While they're dating, partying, going to the mall, at work talking about their relationships (ALL DAY), blah blah...etc., etc., we're all daydreaming and thinking of our fandoms, our creative works, and imagining ourselves in a different world.

That's why I generally only hang around certain people, or try to get involved with groups of people that seem more down to earth.  Like-minded people are great to be with.

I myself know this because I've done a lot of changing and have grown up a lot in the past year.  I can say that I've finally started to experience what most typical folk do, so I've mellowed down a bit in my geekiness, but not completely, I'm still me,   I can say that I've learned better how to talk to 'typical' folk, though it's challenging at times.  I just wish more people were open-minded and not so into themselves. 

[sadboy]

I truly do.  I hate being ignored sometimes.  I don't expect a lot of notice, but there ARE times when I truly think that I've said/done/etc something that any normal person would naturally EXPECT some sort of response, only to be ignored as if I've said/written/etc nothing at all.

In fact, I very nearly posted a biographical timeline of all the memorable instances in my life when I've been ignored, or treated as invisible-- to this day I am convinced that "Invisible Boy" from the movie "Mystery Men" was based on my life, except I am not a young black male-- but then I thought it would be simply overkill.

So I shall restate the title-- I hate being invisible.

I think everyone ignores other people in different degrees. You'll find a handful of people who will get you. You'll try to reach out to people who won't get you.

[Michaelangelo]

I think everyone ignores other people in different degrees. You'll find a handful of people who will get you. You'll try to reach out to people who won't get you.

I agree!  No one can ever please everyone... and sometimes people may not even realize ya feel that way.  Though it does happen sadly, it's part of the way things are.  Hopefully anyone who feels this way, can find people who they connect to... be it through the internet or real life.  It's important to have friends.  Though it's also important to be yourself!

[klork]

I honestly think it has to do with the kind of people we (here on the forum) all are.  We are very creative, introspective type of people that see the world differently than most of humanity.  And as sad as it is, most typical folk just simply don't understand us.  While they're dating, partying, going to the mall, at work talking about their relationships (ALL DAY), blah blah...etc., etc., we're all daydreaming and thinking of our fandoms, our creative works, and imagining ourselves in a different world.

That's why I generally only hang around certain people, or try to get involved with groups of people that seem more down to earth.  Like-minded people are great to be with.

Can I get an Amen?

Yeah, my mom keeps wondering why I don't go out to a bunch of other moms in the community and get together because ohhh, we're all young moms, ohhh, we have young kids...bleh.  Most of the time it's a who's better than who fest with a lot of moms I know, so I figure screw it.  I have friends who get me, I finally found most of them in college (some in high school), and it's not stressfull, they don't ignore you, they make you feel like you're not alone.  Instead of having large groups of friends instead I have small and close groups of friends.  People online here are friends, too, for the most part (you get yer odd ones but that happens), and generally are more open and accepting.  I only keep in touch with about three or four people from high school (considering my grad class was about 700+, that's quite a small number), and I found my husband and a close knit group of friends in college that we all get together with once a month.  Do we get together and party? Go to parties?  Meh, nah, we roleplay, draw, talk about different story ideas we have, or we geek over new games and movies and cartoons.  It's so relaxing that I don't seem to mind how noisy my house gets when they're around....

The rest of the world?  Yeah, seems like you get totally looked over.  I get the few pats from people who associate with me, oh, nice art, or oh, you're so tall..but after that it doesn't go much farther.  You just don't feel like you can really open up and tell them about your creativities brewing in your head.  (Kind of like how I kinda...politely glaze over when my MIL geeks about gardening...I'm a total brown thumb).

[Ninjara]

I myself know this because I've done a lot of changing and have grown up a lot in the past year.  I can say that I've finally started to experience what most typical folk do, so I've mellowed down a bit in my geekiness, but not completely, I'm still me,   I can say that I've learned better how to talk to 'typical' folk, though it's challenging at times.  I just wish more people were open-minded and not so into themselves. 

   I agree with what Lisardo says, and this last part of her posting carries the key to relating to the "typicals".  It's your experience of "typical life" that bridges the gap and enables you to communicate better with those folks. If you live long enough, you will eventually have to deal with the more sordid and mundane aspects.  And yes, you do remain yourself, you still are living in that creative world within yourself, and you do not give that up entirely.  You could.  But I don't recommend it. lol

  I say that because at one point in my life I did get fed up ith feeling like I didn't belong or fit in.  Well, guess what?  Big mistake.  I had no sense of self and got horribly depressed.
 And I have to confess something.  If the Turtles hadn't of caught my full attention and yanked me out of that funk, I don't know what would have happened.  Maybe I would have found my way out by myself....and then again, maybe not.  But they did hit my creative button and remind me of who I was before I had tried to be so 'normal ' that I lost myself.

  As far as online things go.....   I have to say that sometimes I feel like Mindychan.  I can make a comment and the whole thing goes dead too.  But I see others have had the same experience, soooo maybe it's a common thing?  I mean, yes, it is kind of annoying when you think you've said something half way intelligent and no one has a response, but then, I don't know.....maybe it just set everyone back on their heels and they had too much to think about...or it scared them...or well, yes, maybe they didn't know what to say because it was too left field.
And too, maybe there just isn't a point of reference because, like Lisardo brought up....you have to have had a similar experience in order to relate to it fully so you can respond.
 And that sometimes does not come to you till quite a few years have gone by, and could very well be a lot slower in coming to one, if one tends to be reclusive.  I've lived that slice of life too.

  But like I said before, you can seize the floor and be heard if you can change your bearing and have self confidence. I'm talking about communicating in person in this instance.  You can learn to do that.

   By the same token, you can be in a room full of people, do something totally outrageous, be in full view, and yet be invisible. 

   Often, grasshopper, it is just a matter of choice.

   

[Calypso]

We all feel invisible at one point or another.  I guess it's just how we take it is quite different.  I hated feeling that way years ago, but in other ways, I wanted nothing more than to be that way.  I didn't like to be noticed, simply because the people that did notice me were the ones I didn't want to know (school bullies).

My parents are always telling me, especially my Dad, to go out and make friends.  Well, a little difficult when I am not comfortable in the idea of just simply going up to a group of people and say 'Hey, want to go for a cup of coffee?'

Like Ninjara with the Turtles hitting her 'creative button' I had pretty much the same thing.  Now I am happily writing, what I hope will be, the first book of my series.  The Turtles helped start that process.  Yes being ignored can be very frustrating and I know what it is like and I still get that sometimes, but actually saying how I feel is something I don't really know how to do.

You have a lot more guts to come out and say how you feel Cynlee, not many are willing to do that.

[Lady Mew2]

Now I'm back on Mikeys forum again, Cyn.

[NinjaNette]

I agree... I hate being ignored too. When I feel so proud of something, someone always brings me down. Telling me I could do better or it could be better. I was happy about a halloween video I made for the broadcast at my school. I really wanted my ex to see it, because he always told me I need to smile more and I need to be positive. Whenever I did do that, he'd just be sarcastic towards me. Well any way, back to the halloween video. I asked if he wanted to see the video, but he told me no because he didn't want to just leave the spot he was at. He was waiting for his friend to come by, because they were supposed to go to a halloween dance. She never showed up and the whole time of waiting, was just a waste of my lunch time.

Sometimes I feel like my best friend replaced me. She doesn't talk to me much anymore and she doesn't bother to call. I understand the college life is different, but whenever we are around each other. She tends to act different and treats me differently. I'm home all the time and another friend of mine would get mad at me and said I don't like to do things. My friends never invite me anywhere. I don't get why they would get so mad at me. Even at school, people ignore me. One time when it was food fair, I said hi to one of my Anime Members and she just simply walked right past me and said hi to my boyfriend. -_- I thought that was messed up. Everyone talks to my boyfriend, while I sit there quietly. Even if I try to speak about something. I'm simply pushed aside.

When it comes to family. I'm not really recognized either. So I tend to hate big crowds. Sometimes my family likes to point out all the negatives about me. Calling me a nerd, Ninja Turtles are for boys, act more like a girl, dress more like girl, why don't you wear make-up? When I try to speak up, they just laugh about it and ignore me. So, now I kind of like to keep myself isolated away from people.

[Mindy]

In the past two years, I've learned to ignore the bad and keep going. There are always going to be sourpusses so there's no use in me feeling down about it!

I have my bad days but overall, I think I'm handling things well.

[NinjaNette]

In the past two years, I've learned to ignore the bad and keep going. There are always going to be sourpusses so there's no use in me feeling down about it!

I have my bad days but overall, I think I'm handling things well.

That's good. I'm starting to learn how to handle it and just forget about. Like, there is no use to feeling down. It's life.

[Nightwatchersonlygirl]

I know that feeling to well