New Pain

Worry is setting in...

Most everyone on here knows I have RSD, for those of you who are new... please check it up in the search engine here on TMNT-L. It's nerve damage I got back in October 2004.

For the most part in the six years I couldn't tell if I was getting better or just getting use to the pain at hand.. I knew I was still hurting at touch, wind, cold, vibration, sitting still to long, being to active... just about everything and anything I do with my arm hurts me. Though since the first year I've gotten better balance, I don't fall to touch as much as I use too as I've been learning to hide the pain more, and I think I sleep better than I use to as well.

Though there's always reminders that it's there, as the swelling is there almost all the time. The pain is always there, as a continuance reminder, and a reflex I now have of fear of people getting to close to the arm. Even pulling away from people touching my arm hurts me. I guess a part of me was just hoping that because I'm handling things better that maybe I might be getting better. Though something recently happen that makes me now fear it's gotten much much worse.

October 23rd, I was at a concert enjoying the show. Micky Dolenz from the Monkees was on stage singing, and I was just singing along with every song. I've always enjoyed going to his shows, as I can loose myself to the music, the same music which I grew up listening to on records. This was the last place I wanted anything to happen, and at the time I did not except anything new to happen. It was the middle of his act, and Peter Noon was up next to preform.

My left hand clapped onto my left knee along with the beat since I couldn't clap like the rest of the crowd. When a shooting pain went from my wrist into both directions to my finger tips and up pass my shoulders... this time it went a lot farther than normal. Usually the farthest these shooting pains go is the center of my back.. but this one went down into my Right ankle! The pain took me down, I could barely lift my head, as my left hand gripped onto my left knee. The music was no longer fun, but a pounding of vibration that wasn't letting the pain lift from me. After two songs I tried to at least sing along again... but I couldn't get back into the swing of things as the pain wasn't letting up... and the worse of this pain was in my right leg.

During intermission Miki came back to the chairs as her friends and her realized I was in pain. They helped me get some pain meds into me with a glass of water... though this pain wasn't going to let go easy. When Peter Noon came on stage the first part of his show I couldn't bring myself to get into. Once the pain did finally let up a little bit I tried to enjoy the show, though realized my night was not going to be an easy one. As soon as the show was over we went into the hall where the autograph lines were. Usually I would hang out with our friends here, but since our hotel was connected to the theater I told them I'd meet up at the after party.... leaving alone back to our hotel room.

At the room I got my leg up and laid down for awhile. This is the first time that the pain from my arm has affected another part of my body like this, it's really scary. I have read that RSD could spread, but I've taken it for granted that it has remained in my arm this full time. I took a short nap and woke up long enough to go down and say hi to our friends at the bar. But the pain was too much for me to just hang out with everyone, it hurt to be standing there. I was the first to head back to our room for the night.

Once we got home Sunday I had activities to do, so did not get to take a morphine pill till the early morning hours of Monday. The pain in the leg disappeared while I was on that medication. This made me hope that it was gone, since the pain in my arm never fully disappears to that pill. The pain in my arm only gets to a dull annoying feeling. It was about 5 days later before the pain started to come back... and it keeps getting worse....

It is not all the way like my arm. The pain is not by touch. I slap my leg with my left hand and it doesn't give the same feeling my right arm would. Though the pain does resemble a lot of the problems in my right arm. The pain matches up with the shooting pain, the throbbing pain, the pain from staying still to long, the pain from over use... if I lay in bed my arm and leg are in sync with the pain. So I do feel that the problem with the leg is directly related to the RSD.

This is the third night in a roll now where my right leg has caused me problems trying to sleep... much like my arm did in the early days... trying to find a spot for it to sleep at night is a hassle... this scares me so much. I'm going to have to report this soon to my doctors.

And what news do I bring of my surgery... nothing I'm still on the waiting the list... I was told back in July that it'd be late July or mid August... August rolled around nothing... September I get a call from Worker Comp asking what's going on... I inform them, they want me to have my surgery and was also wondering what was taking it... October my mom talks to the doctors... the doctor says they're having problems with my insurance... which does not make sense at all... So the surgery is a depressing and annoying topic to me. I want it so bad... but it feels like it's dangling out of my reach.

Going to try and lay back down now... just needed to vent...

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