People Making Plans And Blowing Them Off While I Wait

[ResidentEvil7]

Ever had somone who made plans with you and just blew you off?  For example if someone made a plan to do something with or for you at a specific time, and you just sat around waiting for them to call you to be ready to go and that person has their phone turned off while you're waiting and waiting.  That is so annoying when people make plans and just blow you off without saying so, while you're waiting and waiting long hours.  In fact I'm dealing with that right now in fact.  Someone made a plan for me at 4:00, turned off the phone and it's now 6:00 and I am still waiting.  Yes I am pizza'ed off.  Like the last two+ hours of my life meant anything to me?

[Michaelangelo]

Yeah, I've had that happen before.  Hope it's nothing bad or serious that happened to the person who's not there.

[ResidentEvil7]

He says he needed to talk to a lawer.  I say to a person who is a cumpulsive liar "BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  This is a person who lies through the nose and lies about lying.  But it doesn't matter because this person has this habbit of making plans and either blowing them off or delaying them almost every day.

[Raphael]

Sounds like someone you need to stop trusting & relying on...

[BubblyShell22]

Yeah, I hate that, too. Maybe you need to just drop that person as your friend if they keep doing this.

[ResidentEvil7]

Until I land a job where I can meet new people, he's all I have as a friend.  And finding a job is no easy task even at cheap retail jobs at Target, Best Buy, and so on.  It's discouraging being 29 and still can't land a job except the laborer job my mom and stepfather hired me to do until I land employement else where.

[ResidentEvil7]

I want to update this topic.  Well I found out something last night about my best friend I didn't know.  Well remember in that holiday topic I mentioned about that so-called heart attack and he's down there for a month, his uncle Jimmy paid in advance for this heart attack-stroke case, and he just left just like that?  Well I found out after I sent a letter to his "aunt and uncle" back home after he didn't email me for a real long time and after that Typhoon that hit Manila, that this was a pre-planed vacation.  His father, not his uncle, emailed me back and provided a phone number telling me about my buddy being on a vacation resort while he as worrying sick me and his family back home.  I called his father back and talked for an hour, and I learned a real sad truth about my good buddy; about why he makes very unrealistic lies about stupid things.  His father told me that he has mental issues.  The State Of Illinois has him legally loopy.  He even lies to them too.  He said he was going to Canada to his father and he ended up in China, and used me to sign something to get a passport.  He struggled through school, he has a hard time learning and listening, he's been through counseling, special needs classes, he's threatened suicide, he's struggling with understanding who and what he is, he tells me and his family he's going somewhere for a month and he ends up somewhere worse off such as Southeast Asia when saying he's going to Canada, Texas, GA, PA, NE and for heart attack relatives.  Even if he did have these family members with these conditions, what could he do about it?  Nothing.  There is so many things his father and I spoke about for an hour that I can get into.  But I found out through his father that my best friend’s situation is serious, and the other things I made his father aware of gives him great concern.  I do feel and so does his father that my best friend is might do something one day that he will regret and pay the price for, because he’s doing things and coming up with ideas in his mind and he may not even know or understand what he’s really doing.  So all those stupid lies about his job, his birthday, his phone signal, his family, his address, his reason for leaving, and much more may not even be his fault.  When I found out about my buddy’s mental disability I broke down very hard; mainly for him and myself for the years I spent with him and with this newly known situation.  I even told his father that I understand what his son is going through, because I was diagnosed with mental disability myself when I was 8 years old. I was struggling through school, I struggled growing up with bad kids, I had to be counseled, I went through medications, and I had dreams and imaginations that I made seem realistic.  I also have problems controlling my emotions.  There are times I will go from normal to: extremely happy, extremely angry, rage, extremely sad, and very worried scared in just moments.  My mother is like that.  So instead of calling my best friend a miserable compulsive liar, which he really is in a way, I’m going to involve myself more with him and try to help him through his problem.  I’m going to be more sympathetic since I have a clear understanding of what and who is now that I’ve spoken to his father.  And I don’t understand why I never was invited over, but his father questions why I was never invited over.  And I told him I asked his son many times why I am never over, but he doesn’t want me.  So I am not going to ditch him, in fact, I want to be more involved with him and help him out the best I can when I can.  It’s not fair all that has happened to him since he was born and what we went through the past 9 years, so I want to be there for him when he and father feel that I can be of some sort of help to him.  I let his father know that I will help his son out when I can.  But still I am very saddened after I learned of this condition and what I had to live out of it all this time, but I understand that the things he says and does may not be entirely his fault.  He may not even know he’s doing things not knowing that are wrong.  Well that’s that.  I just wanted to update things since I learned about my buddy’s condition and why he makes plans and blows them off with me, leaving me behind.

[BubblyShell22]

Wow. That sucks, RE. Well, the best advice I can give you is to be there for your friend now that you know what's going on with him. My thoughts are with you and his family during this time.

[ResidentEvil7]

I know and when his father told me these things and after 9 years of this friendship I broke down hard.  I and my father was really in the impression that my buddy really was living an abusive lifestyle with an aunt and uncle since his mother and father both abandoned him at age 7.  I had no idea he was living a very struggling lifestyle.  I was under the impression he was a smart guy in school and in his activities.  I thought he was just a guy who just enjoys lying to people to make himself look 10 times better than everyone else, being very competitive towards people I think he's jealous of.  I had no idea that his mental problem keeps him dreaming and imagining things and tells very convincing stories that are so believable that it couldn't possibly be a lie when in fact they all are.  And he goes on and on and on for an hour or more with those stories.  I think he even believes these fantasies that he tells people.  And there are some stories he comes up with that are so obvious that they can only be lies such as he's going to inherit this luxury beach house in Manila that his uncle (which he doesn't have one) got cheap and paid off and it's only going to cost only $10 in just water and electricity.  That was an obvious one, but he goes on and one trying hard to get people to believe that.  So when I found out about my buddy's legal mental disabilities and other things about him that is starting to add up over the past 9 years and before, I really broke down quite hard.  It's very heart crushing that he has to live the way he does, and it's not even hs fault, and he may not even know what he is doing and saying.  So instead of calling him a liar and losing my paitence with him, I am going to be more understanding and sympathedic of his discovered situation, and let him know that I also was living with the same mental disabilities myself, except that I can control it better than he can.  Boy do I feel so bad for him, I can't even stand it.  No one should have to live like that if he couldn't help it, but I know these things do happen.  Well I'm done talking about my Good Buddy Pal, my bff (Best friend forever).

[BubblyShell22]

That's good, RE. Maybe you can give him tips on how he can control his problems, since you've been able to. Or maybe you could recommend some medication for him to help him out. Best of luck.

[ResidentEvil7]

I was under medication back when I was a kid and by the time I made it to high school they took me off because I was able to control my situation.  I had to go into counceling twice a week during all my school years after I learned of my problem.  By the sounds of things his father is going to get him some help, because I was talking to him and things were brought up casually that his father never heard about that drew for extreme concern.  When my buddy comes back from this vacation, which he's been telling everyone he has a sick relative that he doesn't even have, his father is going to have a serious talk with him and it looks like my Good Buddy is likely going into conceling.  I hope he does.  After they have a talk, his father is going to call me back on it, and his son is coming over here to have a New Year's Eve party that he said he tried to have over here by coming home early.  I know it's past New Year's Eve/Day, but I like to make it up after he comes back.  Like I said my Good Buddy is going to have a talk with his father, but my buddy doesn't even know it yet, and then he's going to have a talk with me and my father, because of some dark things that we here have learned from his father.  The poor guy needs serious help, and I don't know if he even knows it.  He could be saying and doing things that he believe are real, and not know the reality.  I mean he is real convincing in his stories; so well that it could not possibly be a lie, when in fact it all is.  I've never seen anyone sound so convincing in his stories and goes on and on for long times as he has.  But yes I will help him out since I figured out how to better control my situation (half of the me) which he has some of the same.

[BubblyShell22]

That's good that he's going to get counseling. He needs it and maybe it will help him. I'm glad you're going to help him out and support him. You need to do that as a friend. Once again, best of luck.

[ResidentEvil7]

Well he's home now.  He came home last night, and his father who he has been telling me he lives with an aunt and uncle all this time had a serious talk with him.  Well my buddy is very upset with him and with me.  So I'm just waiting to hear from him since I last spoke to him on the IMs early this morning.  He sounded like he should never of came home and he found out about that letter he didn't want me to send.  Part of why he also upset is that he's had a tough few days traveling back home, and then he gets a talk from his father and then he loses it with me online.  He's very tired, he's been through a lot lately, and coming home and getting a lecture based on what he father knows from me, and him processing what has been going on in the past month hasn't been easy for him.  Last I heard from him 12 hours ago he went to bed, he will contact me later on today.  So were in a problem right now with him and I'm just going to let the problem process itself on its own, and when he's good and ready to talk to me, I will be there to answer him and talk nicely to him no matter what he says and how he says it.  But I'm not going to call or email him, as it may just make him feel a lot worse.  I'm just going to let it work itself out on its own and when he's ready talk, we can talk.  And I hope that his father does take him into therapy, and he definately needs it.  The poor guy maybe a danger to himself and he may not even know what he's doing and saying is wrong.  No doubt about it, he needs to be protected from himself.  Well thanks for the best wishes.  Well I want to end the subject about my buddy's problem as I really shouldn't toward total strangers on the Internet.

[BubblyShell22]

There's nothing wrong with confiding with people on the Internet at certain times. As long as he never finds out about it, it won't be a bad thing. I'm glad you're going to be there for him and let things take their course. That's the best thing to do. Good luck.

[ResidentEvil7]

I had him over here yesterday evening/night and we sat down in my room and for 3 hours we spent confessing the past 9 years.  Apparently he has been lying and telling wild unrealistic stories to many people for a many number of years, and after I managed to make contact with his real parents (not his strict aunt and uncle) and talked to his father for an hour about many things, and he told me some dark secrets about him that I never knew, and I told him some stories, some including sexual, and his father had a 2 1/2 hour talk about the things that I told him.  This is good, and being the new year timing is good, now he can confy to people about who the real he is, he can repair his image, he can feel comfortable telling the truth instead of lying by being embarrased about something.  You know, the real embarrasement are the lies and the kind of lies he came up with.  You know people are not stupid, they're going to see through things.  Anyway, it's nice his father and I spoke and my buddy and his father and he and I spoke yesterday, because now he can get over this, we can start off the new year on a good path, we can restart this friendship as if nothing had happened in the past 9 years.  As far as the passport that he used to take this trip with the bogus excuse last month, he destroyed it, and now he can't go back anywhere outside the USA.  That's good; he can't go anywhere now.  We even exchanged both our New Year's resolutions.  His goal for 2012 is be fully honest with everyone and pay off his debt that he is now in court over ($13,000). My resolutions are: find work even if it's not what I want to do, pay my debt off ($700), be sympathedic of my buddy, repair my relationship with him, try to treat this friendship.  Basically 2012 is a reframendum on solving our debt issues, and fixing our relationship.  And so far it's been a great start; he's telling me the truth, and he's going through the proper stages (court) to solving his high debts.  I'm starting my year off confessing things to him, and asking for the truths out of him, and I'm back to job searching again.  I can see 2012 being a good year, and I am very optimistic that this will be the first year I will meet my goals, and so does he.